Tesla Model S Plaid
Reference — shown, never scored
Why 1.6: The definitive numbers car: a 2.1-second party trick performed twice per ownership. Doug gave it 73 — as transport with comedy acceleration it's superb; as a driver's tool it barely registers.
Market value
Median asking price, good condition · $115k (2022) → $60k (2026), trending down · illustrative data
The long version
The party trick gets performed for a passenger once, maybe twice, and then the Plaid settles into being exactly what a Model S always was: quiet, quick in a straight line, and driven mostly for commuting rather than cornering. Values have nearly halved since 2022, a Tesla-wide depreciation pattern that hits the flagship hardest because the acceleration premium does not hold up once the novelty wears off for the used-buyer pool too. Valet Royalty fits less literally than on the German trophy cars, nobody hands this to an actual valet, but the same truth applies: bought for a number, not an experience.